my progress in the sandbox

Before I left for Saudi Arabia, I had to make a big decision about a relationship. I got to a point wherein I had to choose between two equally advantageous and disadvantageous options in my life.

Option A: Follow my boyfriend's advice and leave for the States and in four months get married with him. Totally a great option for those who really want to achieve their American dream. He is currently working as an RN in San Francisco, studying for his MBA, and fattening up his 401K and savings accounts. The greatest advantage was that I knew and felt that he loved me more than I loved him, for I knew he'd take care of me and never break my heart. The catch was I'd be disowned by my family and probably never get to talk to them for the rest of my life.

Option B: Break-up with my boyfriend, trust in God, and let destiny take it's course. By this I mean, following my parents wishes of moving back to Saudi Arabia. There's too much uncertainty in this decision since I wasn't sure if I'd get employed and most importantly, do what I love doing most---enjoying my life to the hilt!

As obvious as it may seem, I chose option B. Most of my friends were shocked by my decision, primarily because they knew that my boyfriend (now ex) and I were so in love and that there aren't much opportunities for female expats in the Middle East. They thought I was high on drugs when I told them what my plans were.

Big question: WHY????

Choosing your parents seems to always be the easiest when caught in a dilemma like this. Some people even talk about how lovers are replaceable compared to parents who aren't. But I didn't follow this advice. I chose my folks because I never wanted my boyfriend to feel that I married him for the green card, and worse is that someday he'd take it against me, say we get into a heated argument. Plus, somewhere deep inside my heart I know that he'll never grow out of loving me even if our break-up was really painful.

Believe it or not, something inside me kept wanting to go back to the sandbox. It was such a strong feeling that I knew everything would be alright even if I was uncertain about my future. I recall how glad and relieved my baba sounded when I called him to ask for more details about my departure. Funny how he thought an 8J seat on an A330 would make me happy. I rolled my eyes when I got my e-ticket because baba hasn't changed at all. He still thinks that money can buy forgiveness and happiness. (Ex: Buying mom flowers and jewelry after picking petty fights with her.) I called him about it and all he said was: I know that leaving your friends there isn't easy, so I want to make you happy the first eight hours away from them. LOL.

I remember when I my plane landed in Bahrain. I was staring out the window thinking of what's going to happen next in my life. Like the cabin I was in, my mind was practically empty with ideas and.... goals, basically. I didn't expect a marching band to welcome me home either, since I knew most of my friends were OOK for good or married. As a matter of fact, a driver would be good enough since it was just before dawn when I arrived. To my surprise, my parents were at Costa Coffee awaiting the return of their princess. Mom hugged me so tight and kept saying how happy she was to have me back for good. Baba was just behind her with a rectangular box in his hands. He hugged me too and asked me to open the gift.

Me: OMG...A new small laptop (the 8-10 inch one)! ....in my favorite color! Thanks so much mama and baba!! (hugs and kisses them both)
Mama and baba: You're welcome habibti.
Baba: I knew it'd make you happy honey... It's got everything you need, from Vista to the accessories.
Me: Really? How exciting! (In my mind: There you go again baba... Old habits die hard.)

LOL!

My first couple of weeks seemed quite weird in the Kingdom because it wasn't like I was a returning student leaving soon, as I did for the past seven years of my life. Now I'm handing my CVs out left and right like a flyer advertising a new cafe, while hoping I'd be lucky enough to give to a big big wasta connected to a hospital. Ha ha!

Thankfully, I'm now employed and helping out various organizations with their activites that interest me. Although I still don't have much friends, I'm happy with the decision I made. And as for the matters of the heart, I'm still healing and hoping. My ex and I are communicating like best friends now and what's even better was when he told me he'd wait for destiny to bring us back together. See, my gut feeling was right! Both of us know that it's not the right time since distance will strain our relationship. As for admirers, I know they're around... in close parameters, but none are zero-ing in. Too bad for me. LMAO!

No worries, I will write when something comes up. But until then, I feel my mind's too stressed to veer into the issues of the heart. ;)