the art of letting go

This morning I was able to chat with my ex-boyfriend heart to heart. It wasn't easy at all since we've been having a lot of bitter arguments during the past two weeks, which all started with a simple miscommunication. He took what I was saying in a different way. So, with the help of the webcam, yes we've finally seen each other after two months, we were able to sort all issues out.

The love that we both share is not as strong as it is today. If before its strength surpassed the power of the deadliest weapon man has ever created, now its equivalent to one of a pebble. It has weakened.

I have long anticipated for this day, not because I don't want to love him anymore, but because I knew that this day will have to come, whether I like it or not. I used to fantasize the day when I'd see him again and we'd hug so tight that all bitter memories would be erased. BUT that didn't happen, and I am not sure it ever will. We have decided to part ways. Our eyes showed how sad the both of us have become. Despite my efforts to seem happy, my ex could see right through me. Although he knew it would hurt a lot, he told me that he's going to set me free.

He even asked me to make a promise to him that I would never settle for a man who wouldn't love and respect me as much as I deserve. He told me that I was a woman of a lot of worth, don't settle for any less. I cried all the tears my lacrimal ducts could possibly produce. I felt it came from his heart, all those words of letting go. To some it may seem like BS, but knowing him, I greatly appreciated every single syllable.

I, on the other hand, wished him only one thing: happiness. He is one of the best people I've known in this world and I don't why it's so difficult for him to go out and find another woman. It's too bad for me to say that he can't find someone better than me... Who am I to say that?? My ex treated me like a princess. He was very patient, generous, and loving to me.

Then the moment came. It was time to say "Goodbye, sweetheart" for the last time before letting go. I remember saying it with all the love I felt for him. My heart felt empty as I typed it to the screen. My tears were a continuous stream, somehow it felt like my body was letting go itself. Not only my heart was saying goodbye... my heart, body, and soul too.

He said his goodbye too. And just as I prayed to God for strength and guidance in helping me find another perfect man for me my phone beeped.

'Oh great' I thought as I groped for my phone. What a great way for someone to destroy such great drama. And when I phone reached my field of vision, I almost dropped it! A text message from Arabian Knight! As if it was like on cue... LOL.

My tears stopped suddenly and my chest gave a hearty laugh. I just couldn't believe it. Out of the blue, a text message from him... Just after I whispered a quick prayer to God and saying goodbye to my ex. OMG as in OH MY GOD seriously!

It took me a long time to process his text message and what to reply to him. The content was really funny though. He was just asking when the birthday of baba would be. My mind wasn't working so I just gave out a lame answer. I suggested that he ask baba--which I don't think he did. Anyway... yeah, it's on a really special day so I'm planning to surprise him. I just hope that mom doesn't pull one of her menopausal mood swings or else the party's off to the dumpster. I hope not, inshallah!

Back to topic!

I'm still quite sad about what happened with my ex and I. This afternoon was the first time I had the courage to re-read his emails and look at our pictures since our break up in April. It was the most difficult ordeal I had to go through but I had to do it. My heart shouldn't forget the feeling of love. I just hope and pray that someone like him or better will come along. Please God, provide.


Letting go takes love........



.....Yes, it took A LOT of love.